Tuesdays

are never nice to me. Im not sure why. Mondays could be worse, atleast it is a day of catch up and you feel like even if you had a shitty busy day...atleast you did something...Tuesdays are more like, whoa-that was a shitty day and I didnt even get anything done.

I hate tuesdays.

Does anyone know of any reasons to like Tuesdays?

Winds of Change

...sounds sooooo not like the feeling I wanted to relay right now, however, accurately explains exactly what is going on in my life. I got to thinking. Thinking about this whole boy thing I had going on for a while. I usually pick the bad ones right? I guess. Chris was a sad, sorry, horrid mistake. Jamey...just a sad one, and maybe not even a mistake per se, just a ruffle in time, or a life lesson of sorts. And then Clint...well that was pure stupidity. There were more than enough signs pointing towards run for your life, and I stuck around anyways. But this time, its different.

Out of all the boys I just named, which just so happen to account for atleast the last third of my life, and definately the last decade, not one of them loved me to the point I could feel it. So how is it, that now...all of a sudden after I decide that I will never feel that type of love that im looking for, all of a sudden it appears out of nowhere. I wonder, is this possibly an illusion? A mirage of some sort perhaps? I dont know really, but I do know, that the feeling is amazing. I knew it existed somewhere. I never want it to end, although sadly, I know it will.

I just hope it all turns out to be worth it in the end. Ya know...the fairy tale ending where everyone except the wicked witch live happily ever after. I want so bad, 20 years from now to wake up in the morning next to the same person I fell asleep with several nights ago. I want that amazing feeling of love to still be present in some form. I want a partner that is still up for anything, if not more, supporting me in every crazy damn idea I come up with. Someone who will laugh with me, at me. Someone to make me smile when I cant. Someone to tell me everything will be okay, because atleast we still have each other.

I told the love of my life yesterday that I was no longer going to see him. Im done waiting around for him to love me. I loved him, I lost him, and now I found someone else. Im moving on. Ive got a new love now. A new love to complete my life. A completely different love to complete my life. A very warm and unconditional love, to complete my life. I dont have all that high of expectations, I just hope it will last. I hope the chance I took pays off and that my heart doesnt get broken. I hope this boy is worth the effort. I hope he lasts. He has my heart and quite possibly, my love always.

Sometimes

Sometimes you draw good cards. This week, I seem to have a consistently good hand. Even everyone around me has done fairly well, considering the month that we have had. I like being up...

My brother will probably only be in the brigg for about another month. Matt didnt go to jail. My bosses have not freaked out this week, and there have been no cop incidents thus far this week.

As far as I am concerned this is a win.

Douchebag is still being douchy, and I have some friends that have had to deal with that more than thier fair share, but the fact that they care enough to stand up and say they dont agree or believe the bullshit says alot about them. You are amazing for the things you do. :) thank you kindly.

So everything is finally calming down on my front, and its a good thing too because I kinda feel like I was starting to loose it. I dont know how much more bad stuff I can take before I end up in the mental hospital. Thank god I have a few good friends who care enough to keep me sane in these very insane times. I heart you for that. <3>

I want to blog about all kindsa things right now, but I just dont have the right words to use I guess. so I will leave this post as is for now. When I finally feel the writers block drifting I will post again...soon hopefully.

Major Douchebaggery

I am dangerous. So dangerous, I can hurt you with other peoples words.

This douchebag narced my brother and my friend off for warrants and such, and then today, felt the need to get a restraining order against me. cause I am dangerous you know. I WISHED death upon him because he makes me that mad. And while I can admit that I did tell him to swallow his whole bottle of morphine and do the world a favor and kill himself, and quite honestly I meant it, I dont see that as a threat. It was a wish. I cant make him do it. It would have to be his own choice. anyways...yea. whatever.

Im gonna write a freaking book.

The amazingly fucked up chronicles of Mandy

In stores 2012

My life is very much like a game of Monopoly. Sometimes I pass go and collect 200 dollars, sometimes I get all property and make bank. Il hit up chance and the bank will make an error in my favor. Sometimes, if im feelin really good, community chest sends me on a trip to boardwalk and its open!...I can even hit free parking occasionally. Im good at rolling doubles too...but that three strikes rule gets me everytime and I go to jail. Directly to jail, that is...do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And when I finally spring the cash to get out of jail...I come up on a long row of hotels and loose my ass. Next turn...get out of jail free card. isnt it ironic.

Such is life. Its not easy, and its certainly not pretty. But its mine. As much as we are all in control of our own lives, there are those certain instances where you are out of control. You cant stop the cop from pulling you over because your license plate cover is too big. Sometimes, the bank errors are not in your favor. Usually when you get that trip to boardwalk...theres a hotel on it. and well...everyones rolls too many doubles on occasion.

So why is it that I can be so good at monopoly, and suck so bad at life?

grawr

grawr is the only word I can think of right now.

I want to blog, but I have too much to say, and not enough time or words to say it.

Anyone who knows me, knows today just flat out sucked ass.

The reason why, is so long, I may be here til next week trying to explain it.

So I will leave it at this...


GRAWR (for now)