Another one to make you think...

Be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do. I am he and she is she but you're the only you. No one else has got your eyes, can see the things you see. It's up to you to change your life and my life's up to me. The problems that you suffer from are problems that you make. The shit we have to climb through is the shit we choose to take. If you don't like the life you live, change it now it's yours. Nothing has effects if you don't recognise the cause. If the program's not the one you want, get up, turn off the set. It's only you that can decide what life you're gonna get. If you don't like the rules they make, refuse to play their game. If you don't want to be a number, don't give them your name. If you don't want to be caught out, refuse to hear their question. Silence is a virtue, use it for your own protection. They'll try to make you play their game, refuse to show your face. If you don't want to be beaten down, refuse to join their race. Be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do. I am he and she is she but you're they only you.

Fail

Its Thursday evening and all I can think about is the weekend. I have a best friend coming in from out of town tomorrow, a party under the exquisite desert sky, and a gigantic birthday rave to hit up on Saturday...All in all, I expect good things this weekend. But its still thursday...and the weekend cant seem to arrive soon enough.

Ive been thinking though, and while Id rather not put this out there for the world, at the same time, I feel the need to make it known.

There are these two people that mean the world to me. Now everyone knows I love me some raving. The thunder of the bass saturates my soul, the beats pour over my body, and I feel truely alive and free while the darkness hides all of my flaws. But right now, these two people, have me mesmerized. I think about them-all the freaking time. Everyday, all I can think about is how Id rather be hanging out with one of them. Sometimes I want to hang out with them more than I want to rave. And that is truely blowing my mind.

One of them, has had my heart from the very begining. He just seems to not want it. And while he knows that I would do anything for him, I question just how far he would go for me. But for some reason-he makes me feel safe. And no matter how much he can make me cry, or how little he can seem to care, my heart wont let him go. Pretty sure it never will.

The other one, probably has no clue that he means so much to me. His little things are done out of friendship. He is just that thoughtful. I never really thought that people actually absorb the things I say, in regards to my likes and dislikes, but this guy, he sucked it up like a sponge. Its people like him that make my life worth while actually. The ones that come out of nowhere and just shower you with unconditional love. Without saying anything at all, they say it all. I am thankful to have met him...and I hope he never leaves.

I guess the whole reason any of this is significant at all is because last weekend showed me alot about people I have considered my friends and even more about people I never knew even wanted to be my friend...Atleast I now know who my real friends are. Some people cant even say that. So many people who I thought were there for me-dfw I will say...are most definately only dft. This kinda sadens me. But there was this moment last weekend, when people started coming out of the woodwork to let me know how much they care. How they would really be there for me. These people changed a big part of me that was giving up hope completely. Now I guess I have something to look forward to.

So right now what Im really looking forward to is spending another wonderful weekend with 1000s of my favorite aquaintences, and a few of my really great friends! (and hopefully two amazing guys) thats enough of my ramblings about my loveless life for now...

Just one more thing...

This is something a very good friend posted today and it made me think...

Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you,

even though you can't breathe without them.

And when they apologize to you enough for all the lies they have said,

its fearless to stop believing them.

Its fearless to say your not sorry and walk away.

Letting go is fearless.

Reflections on Today

So much to say with no good way to say it.

My mind races often. Its my biggest downfall I think. Lately, I have been distracted, distraught, and somewhat displaced in my own surroundings. I make my own life pretty difficult because I am really incredibly good and making horrible decisions. I know this. I can admit it. Ive actually come to pretty good terms with it.

I mean, everytime I see things clearly, I kinda come to this realization of exactly what the mistake is, and i think to myself...theres another one I will not make again. And while this is in no way funny, at some point you have to be able to laugh at your yourself. I make decisions and I deal with consequences. Thats the way my life works. I really just look forward to the day that the universe decides to cut me a break. (Dear Universe, can it please be while my kids are teenagers?)

Thats it for now I guess.

In All Fairness

This is my first blog/website. I plan on teaching myself a lot of new basic things utilizing this. Please relax, give good feedback and constructive criticism.

If your here to hate-I suggest taking it somewhere else.

Enjoy