How about tomorrow

Well.

Its been a little while.

I know I have been putting off bloggin for some time now.

Actually Ive been putting off a lot of things lately.

Procrastication has been a problem. I realize that while I sit here typing about it.

I actually know I need to stop.

Maybe re-evaluate my so called procrastination.

Maybe let go of some of the bad habits I have fallen into lately.

I might be able to do that now.

...If everything goes right at work...

New employee starting tomorrow. Hopefully I will have some relief.

I am pretty content with what I have to work with.

My life seems to be always be sitting on the brink of complete failure though.

and I would really like that to change the most.

Buts its like a curse. From the very begining it was there.

I dont know.

Everything works itself out in the end.

Thats all I know. Thats all that I can live by.

Maybe this time, I will get it right.

grawr on turmoil.

just grawr.

Happy 420

Ahhh...finally. Once a year, I have a wonderful reason to smoke all day until I am biligerent.

Thank you Earth Day, AKA 420!

Its like Easter or Halloween for me! My all time favorite Holiday aside from Thanksgiving and my birthday. I wish someone would make me a basket of many delicious different types of weed and smoking utensils for me to wake up to in the morning. haha. That would be awesome.

I will be closing my office at lunch time today in honor of the wonderful greens. I am going to do something epically fun! Involving much smoking and silliness!

So yea. If you wanna chilll for 420. hit me up!

ahhh music.

Codependance

I dont think that is what my problem is. I really do hate being alone, but only because I like the company and I feel safe (mom always said...there is safety in numbers) but at the same time, if im always around people, does that make me codependant? I mean, I can function without anyone here. I really just prefer to not be alone.

Things happen when you are alone. Someone could come in and rob my place. It could catch on fire. I mean really, any number of things could happen. But I would rather have someone around to go through it with me. To help keep me sane.

I guess the real reason that this is even pertinent right now is because for the first time in a long time I am completely alone in my surroundings. There is no grandma right next door. There is no roommate one room over. It is only me and my little chillins. Essentially I feel vulnerable and I really do not like it.

Matt left today as well. and I am used to him always being around. Danny has been gone for some time now...and I miss him like crazy...but again, he is not around. My boyfriend, yea he lives down the road a little, but he just started working and he wont be around so much anymore either. Whats a girl to do at a time like this?

So here I am, little ol me in this big ol place...and I am alone.

But I think im going to be okay. I really hope I am going to be okay.

just another weekend

or was it? or will it be?

My life is pretty freakin amazing...and I am enjoying it. Last weekend...stellar! I heart my new boyfriend and it doesnt really matter what we are doing, I am just enjoying everything. Saturaday morning, I woke up, had my morning smoke, and just reflected upon the day, the beautiful weather, the blue sky, the birds. My next thought was, I should go to the lake. I didnt. But I kinda wish I would have. Even if I would have been alone. My day...it was hectic. Normal worky type things, cause I made the mistake of going home instead of the lake. But still hectic. In the end however, it turned out amazing. I was drunk once again, enjoying some chill people and chill places. Partied through the night. But I didnt rave. I didnt even really want to rave actually. but ya know...it happens. Sunday was okay too. I dont want to talk about it. I am a silly slacker. But the day was enjoyable all the same.

This upcoming weekend will probably be one of the most memorable of my entire life. I have no doubt that anything and everything that happens will be no short of epic in every way possible.

Easter Moon Bitches!!!! This Saturday April 11, 2009 at the Firebird Raceway!





Easter Moon 04/11 feat Rabbit in the Moon (live), Daedelus (live), Tech Itch, Stompy, and Z-trip!!!! Come be a part of one of the most amazing events in AZ to date!!!!!
The Original Easter Show Returns from a 8 Year Hiatus. The Date that was orignally held by Team Rave, we have brought them on board to help bring you an event you will remember.



Fresh Culture In Association with Neurobias, AZHC and Team Rave present


EASTER MOON.



APRIL 11, 2009



..


R.I.T.M. is the most original electronic group in the world, with the release of their 12" singles, remix work, and exploration in live performance, R.I.T.M. have established an enormous fan base that continues to grow. A band that exists on many levels, they are enjoying there tenth year of attacking your senses and emotions.
The Music
Most people's first exposure to Rabbit was their song called out-of- body experience. It was released in 93, and is still to this day played in clubs around the world, when most other artist’s tracks are left for dead after 2 weeks. In a 2003 issue of Muzik magazine, O.B.E. was listed as the number one most sought after record in the last decade. After the release of phases of an out of body experience (remixes of O.B.E.) on Hardkiss Recordings '94 the demand for R.I.T.M. became enormous. They began collaborating and doing remix work for everyone from Goldie, Sarah McLachlan, BT, and Garbage, to The Smashing Pumpkins, Sven Vath, Stone Roses, and Eric Clapton. Their style of electronic music is timeless, but to truly understand this group is to see and hear them live.

Rabbit in the Moon's live experience has the power to evoke emotion at will. With a mix of performance art, live video projections, and original music. R.I.T.M. create a powerful connection with their audience. In the Readers Poll Awards 1997 URB MAGAZINE, R.I.T.M. was voted the #1 live performance act in the country. They have been called the Grateful Dead & Pink Floyd of electronic music. Wherever they perform, new believers are born. For many, the show is a religious experience, lives are changed. All this from a band that has never had to grace the screens of music television for an audience. They've been on a grass roots journey, making believers one show at a time. And from New York to Tokyo all the fans with Rabbit in the Moon tattoos see and understand that. They tell the story. This isn't a now thing, it's a forever thing..
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnJhYmJpdGludGhlbW9vbi5jb20=



Daedelus (live)

Alfred Darlington (born Alfred Weisberg-Roberts) is an experimental music producer based out of Los Angeles, California. Daedelus pioneered using the Monome in conjunction with Max/MSP for live performances.[1] He is a part of the groups Adventure Time and The Long Lost. He is currently signed to the Ninja Tune label but has released material with a number of labels, including: Plug Research, Mush, Laboratory Instinct, Eastern Developments, Phthalo, Merck, Big Dada, Soul Jazz, Distill, Hefty, Bit Of Heaven, Temporary Whatever, Stones Throw, Alpha Pup, Eat Concrete and Warp. He is also a founding DJ at the internet radio station Dublab.

http://www.myspace.com/daedelusdarling


Z-Trip

Z-Trip is one of the biggest DJs of our time, doing over 100 shows a year, every year. Considered by many to be a founder of the mash-up movement, his musical tastes are eclectic and his mixing style rejects simple classification. His early independent releases have become highly sought after collectibles. Uneasy Listening, the collaboration with DJ P, was one of the first of its kind, and has sold for as much as $500 on eBay.

No other DJ can claim playing to 500,000 people opening for the Rolling Stones at Sars-stock in Toronto, playing the Bonaroo main stage to over 70,000 people 2 years in a row, in addition to headlining a tent at Coachella twice. He's also been busy around the world doing the Good Vibrations Festival in Australia 2006, as a headliner. All of this in addition to his US and international headlining sold out shows, and multiple club residencies.

Z-Trip's major label debut "Shifting Gears" was given 4 stars by Rolling Stone—it's highest honor. The first single "Walking Dead" went Top 20 and featured Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. The album also had two Number 1s on the college chart. "Listen to the DJ" featuring Soup of Jurassic 5 and "Shock and Awe" featuring Chuck D. He's also a master of the remix, with a stand out re-working of The Jackson 5's "I Want You Back" on "Motown Remixed".

Z-Trip can be seen in the movie "Scratch" (and "Scratch Live") alongside Q-Bert, Mix Master Mike and originators of the art form like Afrika Bambaataa and Jazzy Jay. In addition, he's appeared in "Brainfreeze" and "Product Placement", two live concert movies, both of which feature friends DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist.

http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmRqenRyaXAuY29t

Stompy

A player in the happy hardcore game for over a decade now,
DJ Stompy aka Leigh Horton has produced over 40 records including the timeless club hits, 'I Believe' and 'Come and Follow Me' and the more recent Star Tonight, and time to fly.

In addition to running his own label, New Era, his tracks have earned pride of place on compilations like Hardcore Heaven, Bonkers, Helter Skelter and Slammin' Vinyl.

Having spent time whipping up a frenzy in numerous countries around the world including Japan, Canada & australia, he can't wait to return to Arizona to showcase all his new material.


Tech Itch

myspace.com/techitch



Local DJS INCLUDE:

TURNER & HEIT

TRANZIT & MICHAEL JAMES

MATT DUNN

CYTHERIA VS NEXONE

PAC D

SPYDER

SID

SINABYTE



Partial Production Includes

Laser Wizardry Lasers

Ruckus Sound

Harmonic Lights

AAA Posse- Visuals

Infoline - 6022304222

Tuesdays

are never nice to me. Im not sure why. Mondays could be worse, atleast it is a day of catch up and you feel like even if you had a shitty busy day...atleast you did something...Tuesdays are more like, whoa-that was a shitty day and I didnt even get anything done.

I hate tuesdays.

Does anyone know of any reasons to like Tuesdays?

Winds of Change

...sounds sooooo not like the feeling I wanted to relay right now, however, accurately explains exactly what is going on in my life. I got to thinking. Thinking about this whole boy thing I had going on for a while. I usually pick the bad ones right? I guess. Chris was a sad, sorry, horrid mistake. Jamey...just a sad one, and maybe not even a mistake per se, just a ruffle in time, or a life lesson of sorts. And then Clint...well that was pure stupidity. There were more than enough signs pointing towards run for your life, and I stuck around anyways. But this time, its different.

Out of all the boys I just named, which just so happen to account for atleast the last third of my life, and definately the last decade, not one of them loved me to the point I could feel it. So how is it, that now...all of a sudden after I decide that I will never feel that type of love that im looking for, all of a sudden it appears out of nowhere. I wonder, is this possibly an illusion? A mirage of some sort perhaps? I dont know really, but I do know, that the feeling is amazing. I knew it existed somewhere. I never want it to end, although sadly, I know it will.

I just hope it all turns out to be worth it in the end. Ya know...the fairy tale ending where everyone except the wicked witch live happily ever after. I want so bad, 20 years from now to wake up in the morning next to the same person I fell asleep with several nights ago. I want that amazing feeling of love to still be present in some form. I want a partner that is still up for anything, if not more, supporting me in every crazy damn idea I come up with. Someone who will laugh with me, at me. Someone to make me smile when I cant. Someone to tell me everything will be okay, because atleast we still have each other.

I told the love of my life yesterday that I was no longer going to see him. Im done waiting around for him to love me. I loved him, I lost him, and now I found someone else. Im moving on. Ive got a new love now. A new love to complete my life. A completely different love to complete my life. A very warm and unconditional love, to complete my life. I dont have all that high of expectations, I just hope it will last. I hope the chance I took pays off and that my heart doesnt get broken. I hope this boy is worth the effort. I hope he lasts. He has my heart and quite possibly, my love always.

Sometimes

Sometimes you draw good cards. This week, I seem to have a consistently good hand. Even everyone around me has done fairly well, considering the month that we have had. I like being up...

My brother will probably only be in the brigg for about another month. Matt didnt go to jail. My bosses have not freaked out this week, and there have been no cop incidents thus far this week.

As far as I am concerned this is a win.

Douchebag is still being douchy, and I have some friends that have had to deal with that more than thier fair share, but the fact that they care enough to stand up and say they dont agree or believe the bullshit says alot about them. You are amazing for the things you do. :) thank you kindly.

So everything is finally calming down on my front, and its a good thing too because I kinda feel like I was starting to loose it. I dont know how much more bad stuff I can take before I end up in the mental hospital. Thank god I have a few good friends who care enough to keep me sane in these very insane times. I heart you for that. <3>

I want to blog about all kindsa things right now, but I just dont have the right words to use I guess. so I will leave this post as is for now. When I finally feel the writers block drifting I will post again...soon hopefully.

Major Douchebaggery

I am dangerous. So dangerous, I can hurt you with other peoples words.

This douchebag narced my brother and my friend off for warrants and such, and then today, felt the need to get a restraining order against me. cause I am dangerous you know. I WISHED death upon him because he makes me that mad. And while I can admit that I did tell him to swallow his whole bottle of morphine and do the world a favor and kill himself, and quite honestly I meant it, I dont see that as a threat. It was a wish. I cant make him do it. It would have to be his own choice. anyways...yea. whatever.

Im gonna write a freaking book.

The amazingly fucked up chronicles of Mandy

In stores 2012

My life is very much like a game of Monopoly. Sometimes I pass go and collect 200 dollars, sometimes I get all property and make bank. Il hit up chance and the bank will make an error in my favor. Sometimes, if im feelin really good, community chest sends me on a trip to boardwalk and its open!...I can even hit free parking occasionally. Im good at rolling doubles too...but that three strikes rule gets me everytime and I go to jail. Directly to jail, that is...do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And when I finally spring the cash to get out of jail...I come up on a long row of hotels and loose my ass. Next turn...get out of jail free card. isnt it ironic.

Such is life. Its not easy, and its certainly not pretty. But its mine. As much as we are all in control of our own lives, there are those certain instances where you are out of control. You cant stop the cop from pulling you over because your license plate cover is too big. Sometimes, the bank errors are not in your favor. Usually when you get that trip to boardwalk...theres a hotel on it. and well...everyones rolls too many doubles on occasion.

So why is it that I can be so good at monopoly, and suck so bad at life?

grawr

grawr is the only word I can think of right now.

I want to blog, but I have too much to say, and not enough time or words to say it.

Anyone who knows me, knows today just flat out sucked ass.

The reason why, is so long, I may be here til next week trying to explain it.

So I will leave it at this...


GRAWR (for now)

Another one to make you think...

Be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do. I am he and she is she but you're the only you. No one else has got your eyes, can see the things you see. It's up to you to change your life and my life's up to me. The problems that you suffer from are problems that you make. The shit we have to climb through is the shit we choose to take. If you don't like the life you live, change it now it's yours. Nothing has effects if you don't recognise the cause. If the program's not the one you want, get up, turn off the set. It's only you that can decide what life you're gonna get. If you don't like the rules they make, refuse to play their game. If you don't want to be a number, don't give them your name. If you don't want to be caught out, refuse to hear their question. Silence is a virtue, use it for your own protection. They'll try to make you play their game, refuse to show your face. If you don't want to be beaten down, refuse to join their race. Be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do. I am he and she is she but you're they only you.

Fail

Its Thursday evening and all I can think about is the weekend. I have a best friend coming in from out of town tomorrow, a party under the exquisite desert sky, and a gigantic birthday rave to hit up on Saturday...All in all, I expect good things this weekend. But its still thursday...and the weekend cant seem to arrive soon enough.

Ive been thinking though, and while Id rather not put this out there for the world, at the same time, I feel the need to make it known.

There are these two people that mean the world to me. Now everyone knows I love me some raving. The thunder of the bass saturates my soul, the beats pour over my body, and I feel truely alive and free while the darkness hides all of my flaws. But right now, these two people, have me mesmerized. I think about them-all the freaking time. Everyday, all I can think about is how Id rather be hanging out with one of them. Sometimes I want to hang out with them more than I want to rave. And that is truely blowing my mind.

One of them, has had my heart from the very begining. He just seems to not want it. And while he knows that I would do anything for him, I question just how far he would go for me. But for some reason-he makes me feel safe. And no matter how much he can make me cry, or how little he can seem to care, my heart wont let him go. Pretty sure it never will.

The other one, probably has no clue that he means so much to me. His little things are done out of friendship. He is just that thoughtful. I never really thought that people actually absorb the things I say, in regards to my likes and dislikes, but this guy, he sucked it up like a sponge. Its people like him that make my life worth while actually. The ones that come out of nowhere and just shower you with unconditional love. Without saying anything at all, they say it all. I am thankful to have met him...and I hope he never leaves.

I guess the whole reason any of this is significant at all is because last weekend showed me alot about people I have considered my friends and even more about people I never knew even wanted to be my friend...Atleast I now know who my real friends are. Some people cant even say that. So many people who I thought were there for me-dfw I will say...are most definately only dft. This kinda sadens me. But there was this moment last weekend, when people started coming out of the woodwork to let me know how much they care. How they would really be there for me. These people changed a big part of me that was giving up hope completely. Now I guess I have something to look forward to.

So right now what Im really looking forward to is spending another wonderful weekend with 1000s of my favorite aquaintences, and a few of my really great friends! (and hopefully two amazing guys) thats enough of my ramblings about my loveless life for now...

Just one more thing...

This is something a very good friend posted today and it made me think...

Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you,

even though you can't breathe without them.

And when they apologize to you enough for all the lies they have said,

its fearless to stop believing them.

Its fearless to say your not sorry and walk away.

Letting go is fearless.

Reflections on Today

So much to say with no good way to say it.

My mind races often. Its my biggest downfall I think. Lately, I have been distracted, distraught, and somewhat displaced in my own surroundings. I make my own life pretty difficult because I am really incredibly good and making horrible decisions. I know this. I can admit it. Ive actually come to pretty good terms with it.

I mean, everytime I see things clearly, I kinda come to this realization of exactly what the mistake is, and i think to myself...theres another one I will not make again. And while this is in no way funny, at some point you have to be able to laugh at your yourself. I make decisions and I deal with consequences. Thats the way my life works. I really just look forward to the day that the universe decides to cut me a break. (Dear Universe, can it please be while my kids are teenagers?)

Thats it for now I guess.

In All Fairness

This is my first blog/website. I plan on teaching myself a lot of new basic things utilizing this. Please relax, give good feedback and constructive criticism.

If your here to hate-I suggest taking it somewhere else.

Enjoy